One movie character that absolutely fascinates me is the role played by Benicio del Toro in 21 grams (2003). (a link to the movie's information on IMDB here). Before I go into his story, allow me to pay hommage to the Director, Alejandro González Iñárritu, and Writer, Guillermo Arriaga, of this incredible movie (and a wonderful cast including personal faves Sean Penn, Charlotte Gainsbourg and Eddie Marsan (who plays the reverend)).
My personal take on just some of the many themes of this movie are destiny, crime and punishment, death, repentance, love, making good, doing the right thing, revenge, self-loathing, starting over, closure, the coincidences (serendipity?) necessary for two people to meet in this life, and the impenetrable nature of God... The character's name is Jack Jordan, an ex-con who becomes a Born-again Christian and more than anything a deeply religious man. And although the themes mentioned above touch all of the characters in the film in one way or another as their destinies are intertwined, the role that crystalizes these 'issues' is Benicio's.
Here is the 'official' synopsis of the role:
Jack Jordan (Benicio Del Toro) is an ex-con that has spent more time in jail than out, but has reformed and is working in a church, spreading the gospel, and helping kids that are heading toward the same kind of trouble he's been in. He and his wife have two young children.
The movie does an incredible job at showing the incredible complexity of Jack Jordan as he struggles to come to terms with his life and the tragic events that happen to him despite his attempts to be a good man. Without attempting to recount the whole film, he unwittingly kills two young girls and their father in a car accident. Thereafter he cannot come to terms with the guilt, nor understand why he is being punished. He tries to commit suicide in jail and the pipe on which he tries to hang himself collapses. He is then released from jail on a technicality. Later Sean Penn intends to kill him to venge the deaths of the others and cannot go through with it. Not long after, Benicio goes to find Sean Penn and the mother of the children (played by Naomi Watts) and asks to be killed by those whose lives he hurt and it doesn't work out as expected. He even tries to take responsibility for Sean Penn's self-inflicted gunshot, admitting 'I shot him' to a sheriff, but again, he is released as the facts don't align with his story.
Having spent his years out of prison trying to atone for past behavior, through no fault of his own, he is now stuck in a bottomless well of guilt and no ability to atone. Deep conviction in God's wisdom crashes (more or less literally) into incomprehension of God's ways.
A tragic story and a tragic character, written, portrayed and directed with brio. And the brilliance was in part due to how much we come to care about and understand this character. Definitely not one of us, but at the same time one of us in the sense that the conditions of our lives are as fragile as Jack Jordan's and our (shared) incomprehension of why bad things happen to good people.
I guess more than anything the role is about the flip side of Serendipity, the negative coincidence, which I will now term derensipity.
And on that creative note, I will end this post. Be well.
(continued from yesterday)If I had to choose one major actionable insight from Conversations with God, before rereading it afresh, I would have to say it is “What would love do now?” as a guiding question to answer most decisions we are faced with.
To better understand this question, I probably need to explain that it is premised on another key idea from the book, namely that everything we do is motivated either by love or fear. (Note, this is very similar to what the Course in Miracles has to say, the main difference being that in the Course in Miracles it is written that only love is real; meaning that only acts of love are lasting and thus real. The inference then is that we have a choice at all times - do anything we do out of love or from a place without love…).
Another five word powerhouse (like 'the content of their character')... “What would love do now?” While I do not remember to use it often enough as a prologue to action, nor has it become a reflex, when I have applied it, it has been quite powerful.
One of the rare times I do think of it is when I have a potentially disagreeable e-mail to write to write to someone who has ticked me off. Instead of writing what I would have spontaneously written (a more or less poetic and subtle version of ‘screw you’) I try to reframe my attitude and say, ok, what would love do now? I try to find a feeling of love, caring and compassion for the person in question and then I write my e-mail. Sometimes it works well for me and sometimes it doesn’t (usually when my ego says ‘go ahead, give ‘em a kick in the balls, you know you want to…’ or something to that effect). But I try, and when it works, it feels really, really, good and it works wonders.
If you do apply it, let me know how it works for you.Another incredible insight, from the beginning of the first book has to do with Joy, Truth and Love. According to Walsch, according to God, These three are interchangeable, and one always leads to the other. It matters not in which order they are placed. The Highest Thought is always the thought which contains joy. The Clearest Words are those words which contain truth. The Grandest Feeling is that feeling which you call love.Just the first book covers so many topics that no blog entry could ever do them or the book justice. Values, morals, creativity, sexuality, finding your own way, free will, religion, finding your own way, being happy, desire, gratitude, what God is not, what religion is not, what prayer is not, what you are not, and on it goes. The subtitle of the books is ‘An uncommon dialogue” and it really is.
Trying to skip through the book to find nuggets to report back to you I realized I so marked up the book that there is hardly a page without underlining, stars, exclamation points, comments, notes to self… and I realized I want to reread it from start to finish again from a clean slate. And I will.While there is so much I would like to share and comment on this book, I know it is impossible. So let me just wrap up this post by sharing the following series of quotes which followed Walsch’s expression of feelings of inadequacy in terms of providing for his children. God is quoted as saying, “Your job is to render them independent […] for you are no blessing to them as long as they are dependent on you in order to survive.[…] Let your love propel your beloved into the world—and into the full experience of who they are. In this will you have truly loved.”Then begins the following series of statements:In the same sense, God’s greatest moment is the moment you realize you need no God.A true Master is not the one with the most students, but one who creates the most Masters.A true leader is not the one with the most followers, but one who creates the most leaders.A true teacher in not the one with the most knowledge, but one who causes the most other to have knowledge.And a true God is not One with the most servants, but One who serves the most, thereby making Gods of all others. Food for thought, isn't it?
